Emotional Intelligence: The Quiet Strength That Changes Everything

 

In a meeting of a board of directors of a certain company, an employee made a serious mistake during presentation. His manager could have embarrassed him before everyone, but he chose not to instead the manager stayed calm and corrected the issue quietly.  A day after, he called him privately and talked about the issue with understanding and guidance. That singular action of the manager, built trust instead of fear and the employee did not just remember the correction but also remembered the kindness and emotional maturity behind it. This is the power of emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand emotions, react wisely, and relate to people with empathy and self-control. Daniel Goleman an American psychologist, defined emotional intelligence thus: “The ability to recognize, understand, and manage our own emotions while also recognizing, understanding, and influencing the emotions of others.” Another widely accepted definition was developed by Peter Salovey and John D. Mayer, who described emotional intelligence as “The ability to perceive, understand, manage, and use emotions effectively in everyday life.”

Talk about everyday life, it affects how people deal with stress, interact during conflict, build relationships, and respond to challenges. Unfortunately, intelligence alone does not teach patience, empathy or emotional discipline, intelligent people still struggle with emotions. Interestingly, emotional intelligence quietly shapes personal growth, relationships, leaderships, etc in a world filled with a lot of misunderstandings, conflicts, pressure and all what not. Emotional intelligence is a skill that must be acquired to help in a healthy interaction. 

Emotional intelligence in action

Emotional intelligence plays out in many ways; there are people who speak with kindness even when they are not happy. Some are good listeners; they listen without interrupting.
There are people who can walk into a tensed gathering somehow bring peace instead of more chaos; emotional intelligence at work. We live in a world where people react quickly most of the time but emotional intelligence teaches people how to react with wisdom. It is not about whether you are not allowed to get angry but about you becoming emotionally aware enough to handle life with maturity, wisdom, and compassion. Emotional growth should not be ignored, many people spend years trying to improve finances, social status, appearance, etc emotional intelligence should also be nurtured.

One of the genuine signs of emotional intelligence is self-awareness. Many people are very quick to point out what the other person is doing wrong but they do not understand themselves and when they are doing wrong. They do not know that certain words trigger anger, that rejection hurts deeply, or why they constantly seek approval from others. People who are emotionally intelligent pay attention to their inner self. They notice their emotions and are in control of those emotions whereas the emotionally unintelligent allows the emotion to control them. So instead of exploding quickly, they emotionally intelligent person pause and rethink, instead of denying there is pain, they admit it honestly. It is safe to say that self-awareness changes lives because people cannot heal what they refuse to understand. A person who understands their emotions becomes calmer during conflict, wiser during pressure, and more confident in difficult situations. They stop reacting blindly and begin responding intentionally.

Emotional intelligence is not weakness

The assertion that emotional intelligence is about being soft and very emotional is not true. On the contrary it actually takes strength to be calm when someone is being rude to you. It takes maturity to respond without shouting; It takes wisdom to admit and ask for forgiveness when you do something wrong and it takes discipline to manage emotions and not allowing it to control you. Emotionally intelligent people do not react to every situation and when they want to react in some cases, they do not allow their emotions to control the better part of them. For them protecting their peace is very important, silence, patience and understanding in some cases can be powerful.

The Way You Treat People Matters

People who are emotionally intelligent value relationships. They know how to listen, show kindness, and communicate respectfully. They are less judgmental and compassionate because they know everyone is struggling with something invisible.  It is true that intelligence may bring about opportunities but being emotionally intelligence is real deal that will make you maintain relationships, gain trust and respect. Many people remember how someone treated them long after they forget the actual words spoken a simple moment of understanding can change someone's whole day. When it comes to marriages or friendships for instance, emotional intelligence often matters more than talent. Most people certainly feel safer around those who make them feel heard and appreciated. Emotionally intelligent people do have emotions too, sadness, disappointment, anger, fear, and frustration are all part of being human and they are not immune to all these, the difference is that emotionally intelligent people learn how to manage emotions in a healthy way. They communicate calmly instead of allowing anger to take centre stage, instead of pretending to be strong they process it honestly and allow themselves to be healed. Many emotional problems get worse because people suppress their feelings for long time which eventually appear through bitterness, anxiety, antagonism, or emotional fatigue. Thus, healing begins when people become honest with themselves.

 

 

Emotional intelligence can change your future

Daniel Goleman author of Emotional Intelligence has this to say, “If your emotional abilities are not in hand, if you don’t have self-awareness, if you are not able to manage your distressing emotions, if you can’t have empathy and effective relationships, then no matter how smart you are, you are not going to get very far.” Emotionally intelligent people build healthier relationships handle stress better, communicate effectively and inspire trust. The beautiful thing about emotional intelligence is that it can be developed, a very difficult experience can be an opportunity to grow emotionally, develop patience and self awareness. So being emotionally intelligent does not mean that you are perfect rather it means that you are more aware, more empathic and more disciplined. Finally, the strongest people are those who understand their emotions deeply without allowing those emotions to destroy them.